the right to hold you
In 2015, our family welcomed our third child to the chaos through the emotional and complex reality of adoption. Our son was almost three when he became part of our family, and I blogged about the experience for a little over a year. This section of my website contains the archives of that blog, which I called “the right to hold you.” If I wrote about adoption today, my words probably wouldn’t mirror what I wrote in 2014/15, but I’ve left them as originally authored for authenticity. Our little guy has been with us for over 6 years, and if I write about him today, it’s likely to be in the context of parenting a child with disabilities.
Welcome! Our journey is just beginning...
I think sometimes there can be a misconception (or maybe it was just for me) that adoption is for those “super” people. You know, super-religious, or super-rich, or super-nice, or super-philanthropical, or super-moms and super-families. And trust me when I say our family doesn’t fit that box.
FAQs: The Head
We are scared. We don’t have any first-hand experience with special needs, and I’m not sure what we are capable of handling. But I’ll tell ya what – my heart is being changed and stretched and molded by the minute. Every second of this process is growing me, and I am WAY less scared of that aspect than before.
FAQs: The Heart
it implies, however subtly, that someone else might be thinking more clearly about my childrens’ best interest than I am. Or that maybe I'm not thinking about my children at all. I know (I know, I know, I know!) that this isn’t usually the intent or the heart behind the question. But it still feels a little judgmental, like somehow I’m sacrificing one for the sake of another.
Our Story
I became convinced that we were going to adopt someday. Someday, though, felt safe, easy, and very distant, and I figured I wasn't going to have to worry about it any time soon. But God kept bringing people into our life that had adopted, and slowly it just became something I considered completely normal.
Adoption Timeline
Oct 28, 2013 – Sent exploratory email to Reece's Rainbow, asking about different country programs
March 18, 2015 – HOME
“the right to hold you” origin story
But I do know this – I’m doing my best. She’s doing her best. We are family. Life isn’t easy, and we don’t get it right all the time. But we will never stop loving each other, and fighting for each other, and being committed to being a family. I know I am the exact Mama this girl needs, even when I don’t feel like it.