the right to hold you
In 2015, our family welcomed our third child to the chaos through the emotional and complex reality of adoption. Our son was almost three when he became part of our family, and I blogged about the experience for a little over a year. This section of my website contains the archives of that blog, which I called “the right to hold you.” If I wrote about adoption today, my words probably wouldn’t mirror what I wrote in 2014/15, but I’ve left them as originally authored for authenticity. Our little guy has been with us for over 6 years, and if I write about him today, it’s likely to be in the context of parenting a child with disabilities.
Where We're At: June 13, 2014
Okay, it's been a little under two months since our first update. It feels like it's been almost no time at all. I think at the beginning there was sort of this huge adrenaline rush, and now we've just kind of settled back into normal life. Which is nice, actually. But also sometimes makes it seem NOT real -- like, are we REALLY adopting a little boy from Eastern Europe? Will he REALLY come home with us someday?
What's your (little) man got to do with me?
But I think there are lots of ways to do something helpful. Doing nothing is never helpful, and ignoring the problem doesn’t make it cease to exist. At the same time, it can be hard to get on handle on what ONE person could possibly do. Hopefully, these ideas give some direction. I’m sure there are a million more out there!
I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings
The caged bird sings of freedom. Oh man, that line stops my heart a little. I share the sentiment of much of the world as we mourn the passing of a magnificent light, and am grateful she fought so hard to be heard. Grateful I had the opportunity to hear her.
Monkey in the Middle
I remember when I was pregnant the second time, I told a friend I just honestly didn’t think I could love another baby the way I loved my first. And she just said, You will. Your love grows and stretches and somehow manages to change and stay the same all at the same time.
Lee Greenwood, World War II and international adoption
I am so thankful for the many blessings (luxuries, really) that I have been afforded because I was born in the United States. But I don’t think I deserve them more than anyone else. And I just can’t buy into the idea that a child is more or less deserving of a family based on the borders into which he/she was born.
Adoption Arguments: What's in a name?
Basically, we disagree on whether or not to keep his given name once he comes home. It is a native name, and though not totally un-pronouncable, somewhat foreign to the American tongue. So, I did some research, and really there are no clear answers. There are definitely a few considerations that we have processed through in regards to either keeping or changing his name.
Where We're At: April 18, 2014
And we’ve been learning a lot through some online training, as well as a couple of great books we have started. I am definitely starting to feel like we are going into this with our eyes wide open now. Not that I was naively idealistic before, but I just didn’t know or even think about so many of the issues we are learning about. I’m so thankful for the knowledge, and it’s helping me be a better Mama to my beautiful babes home now.
Our Boo...the man, the myth, the legend
To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.” C.S. Lewis
Adoption Anxiety
But I have spent MANY hours lying in bed, unable to sleep, thinking about all of the things I still need to do to even make a dent in our paperwork process. I become so overwhelmed with the enormity of it all that I am almost paralyzed by my nerves, and then for a couple of days I do almost NOTHING related to the adoption at all.
Psalm One Million and One
I think that’s why I love the Psalms so much. You get real, raw emotion – both glorious highs and desperate lows -- that mirror the human condition, which is anything but one note. You read about the psalmists' joys and victories, but you also feel the agony of his disillusionment and defeat. And that's okay.