the right to hold you
In 2015, our family welcomed our third child to the chaos through the emotional and complex reality of adoption. Our son was almost three when he became part of our family, and I blogged about the experience for a little over a year. This section of my website contains the archives of that blog, which I called “the right to hold you.” If I wrote about adoption today, my words probably wouldn’t mirror what I wrote in 2014/15, but I’ve left them as originally authored for authenticity. Our little guy has been with us for over 6 years, and if I write about him today, it’s likely to be in the context of parenting a child with disabilities.
A really long layover... (or a 2-yr home update)
But if I’m honest, really, brutally honest -- there have been so many times in the last twenty one months where I’ve just wanted to scream, “I’m not in *@#&% Holland!!” There are no tulips, or windmills, or cute wooden shoes. No lazy bike rides along the river, or stunning Rembrandt's to distract us. There are no blonde girls with matching braids and interlocking arms harmonizing folk songs in my ear as I work through the trauma of mothering a child who wasn’t touched for the first three years of his life. I’m just. not. there.
Where We’re At: March 27, 2015 (One Weekish Home)
Our children are all surprising us every day, and it’s humbling to think about our role in their lives. We want to do this (parenting) well, and often our worst enemy is ourselves. They are patient, and forgiving, and full of joy. Boo is a beautiful little boy, and we are grateful to be on this journey with him.
Where We're At: March 8, 2015
On Friday and Saturday, we went to the baby house in the morning and afternoon to get to know our little man. We stayed as long as they would let us, and were able to feed him, change him, help him on the potty and put him to to bed. We were feeling a little cooped up inside, so they let us take him out for a walk and try out the playground. He was a totally different child outside.
Where We're At: January 19, 2015
So what does that mean for us? Well, now my Type-A, slightly OCD, crazy mode has started to set in. There are a decent amount of logistical arrangements that need to be made, a pretty decent chunk of money that still needs to be paid, and a billion things to look up on the internet. As my mind swirls with all of the things I need to make happen and I try to Google away the panic, I can’t help thinking, “Why on earth didn’t I look this up before?” And, oh yeah, I still haven’t finished that one really important book. Ummm, or that other one actually. Aaaaaaaaah!
Where We're At: November 21, 2014
The worst part -- reading the line on report after report, “Nobody has visited the child.” It wrecked me a little bit to think about him all alone. He went to live at the orphanage when he was four days old, and I picture my own teeny tiny four-day-olds, and my heart breaks for baby Boo. It’s such a double-edged sword though, because his lack of visitors actually makes it easier for an international adoption.
Where We're At: June 13, 2014
Okay, it's been a little under two months since our first update. It feels like it's been almost no time at all. I think at the beginning there was sort of this huge adrenaline rush, and now we've just kind of settled back into normal life. Which is nice, actually. But also sometimes makes it seem NOT real -- like, are we REALLY adopting a little boy from Eastern Europe? Will he REALLY come home with us someday?